After yesterday’s post about drifting in the doldrums, I had a few people respond directly sharing that they really identified with this picture, and recognised that feeling of helpless wondering what they had done wrong to end up there, and/ or, how to get out of it. The problem with those feelings (that I absolutely wrestle with myself at times) is that they expose a mindset of works – we still think our salvation depends on us somehow. But trying to get ourselves out of the doldrums is as futile as a sailor in a sailboat expertly positioned to catch a breeze, who on discovering the lack of wind, tries to fill the sails with their own meagre puffs of breath! It’s not only ridiculous, it’s exhausting and utterly ineffective!
How kind God is to reveal this thinking in us, so we can hand it to Him and be set free!
And as far as the ‘what have I done wrong’ mentality goes, God spoke into this this morning, by reminding me of Mary at Jesus’ birth…
Of course, we all imagine Jesus born in a barn, a stable, or a cave – all are theories suggested by scholars as the only fact we know for sure is that he was laid in a manger, or feeding trough (Luke 2:7). Whichever it is, I’m sure we have romanticised it somewhat, with notions of fresh gleaming hay, soft-nosed animals peacefully resting in the background, and brightly shining stars outside. In reality, if there were animals present it would have been messy, smelly, cold and noisy.
I wonder if amidst the gratitude that she wasn’t exposed and giving birth out in the open, did Mary have a moment of desperation, asking God was this really how He wanted his Son to be born? In her obedience and submission to Him, surely these surroundings weren’t His will? After the angel called her highly favoured, surely this wasn’t what God’s blessing looked like? She was obeying God with all her heart, and yet here she was in her most vulnerable moment, surrounded by animal waste and noise – humiliated.
How often do we ask the same: God, I’m doing my best to obey you: why is it so hard? How have I failed, to end up feeling this neglected and broken, in such desperate circumstances?
I wonder if Mary knew it had to be this way: that Jesus’ birth in such lowest-of-the-low circumstances was a necessary sign of what it meant for Him to leave the splendour of Heaven and come to earth; that it revealed Him even from birth as the suffering servant, laid in a manger as sign that He came to feed us all with the bread of life; that He came for everyone, no matter how poor and wretched. Or did she feel she had messed up somehow?
I think we sometimes look at where we find ourselves and think, ‘I must have done something wrong to end up here. Surely if I was following God better I would be blessed, healthy, wealthy, walking in all His promises, and full of peace’… and we forget Jesus’ words “in this life you will have trouble”. Maybe sometimes where we find ourselves isn’t a result of some failure on our part; maybe it’s a necessary part of our story and the message that God has given us to carry to a broken, desperate world. Or maybe when we find ourselves in the doldrums, instead of blaming ourselves for failure, we can find peace in realising it has to be this way: that we needed to come this way in order to transition into the next area or territory. God is with us still, and His breeze is on its way…
Praise God Who sets us free from negative strongholds in our thinking, and releases us always into greater revelations of His grace!
In the Secret Place 
Leave a comment