‘Look At Me’ – in Humility

I have always been intensely private – a highly sensitive person prone to over-thinking and painful self-consciousness. Combine that with a couple of bouts of deeply felt rejection from loved ones, and you are left with someone who has a strongly-rooted aversion to ‘putting themselves out there’; someone who much prefers to stay out of sight, using the Christian call to humility as a cover for hiding.

How ironic then, that I not only blog about my life (with God), but that I am – finally – in the process of getting a book ready to submit to publishers. And not just any book, but an autobiographical one: the ultimate in putting oneself out there, for all the world to see. It feels like the opposite of humility… what a show-off!

It reminded me this morning of Paul’s words to the Corinthians in 1 Cor 1:1 – “Copy ME/ Imitate ME/ Follow MY example” (depending on your translation). It sounds so breathtakingly arrogant to someone brought up in the British culture of self-deprecation!

I’ve often heard it said that humility is not about thinking less of yourself, it’s about thinking of yourself less. Basically, that it’s not about putting yourself down, but rather not considering your ‘self’ a factor at all! Sounds really holy, doesn’t it? But is it possible to deny self like that, to the point that we disappear altogether? And wouldn’t that render Paul’s ‘Copy Me’ quote un-Christian? Or at least, not humble?

I’ve been meditating on this issue for a while now – not deliberately, it just keeps cropping up with regards to other subjects, to the point where I’m starting (painfully slowly) to wake up and realise that God wants to show me something about the place for ‘self’.

We know that self-serving is ungodly, as is selfishness, self-importance, self-belief, self effort etc etc. Whereas self-denial is to be aimed for. And Jesus epitomised that, didn’t He? “Not my will but Yours be done” is our ultimate goal.

That’s all very well when God is asking us to suffer. It might not be comfortable or desirable, but we know it’s holy, so we can embrace it in a kind of martyrish way. But what if it’s Gods will for us to be raised up and be seen, to invite others to look at us? How very un-British!

And yet when God calls us to do something – anything – that others can see, if we respond with ‘You can’t mean me Lord, I can’t do that! Who am I to do that?’, it might sound holy and self-denying, but we are doing what Jesus said should not be done: hiding our light – the light of Jesus given to us – under a basket (Matt 5:14-15). That’s not humility, that’s disobedience. It’s burying our talent instead of putting it to work (Matt 25:14-30). It’s putting our opinion of ourselves above God’s… which is actually pride! Paul’s “copy me” wasn’t arrogant – he was just carrying out his calling.

So when I find myself called to write about myself, my thoughts, feelings and experiences, putting ‘self’ front and centre… there is a wrestling with pride for sure, but I am also finding it to be a place of genuine self-denial. Left to my own devices I would rather hide & call it humility. However Jesus has called me to let my light shine – for HIM. I love Him more than my fear, and if I want to be a witness for Him (I do) I have to speak up about the evidence of His work in my life. Speaking about what others have experienced doesn’t carry the same weight of witness-authenticity as sharing my own personal experiences. I can’t disappear into an amorphous cloud of ultra holy self-denial, I have to kind of push myself forward in order to lift Him high… even though that still grates on my idea of humility.

So I looked up humility in the Bible and found something interesting: Jesus never used the word. That alone struck me as interesting given the emphasis that modern Christians put on it. He did refer to the humble, saying that those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted (Matt 23:12, Luke 14:11, Luke 18:14) – but that verse is fraught with opportunities to misunderstand/ misapply.
So I looked at Matt 11:29, the only other time the word ‘humble’ is written in red (as Jesus’ verbalised words): “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart” (NIV). The word translated here as ‘humble’ is the Greek word tapeinos, meaning cast down, humble, or lowly (in position or spirit, but in a good sense).

I love the definition given by HELPS Word-studies (found on BibleHub’s website), which says tapeinos is an “inner lowliness describing the person who depends on the Lord rather than self“, that it “means being God-reliant rather than self-reliant”.
How else could Jesus, the epitome of humility, declare so boldly that He is the Light of the world… the Way, the Truth and the Life… the Messiah?! He was humble to his calling.

So we know humility isn’t about thinking less of our self in the British way – but this sounds like it’s not even about thinking of ourselves less. We can’t forget or erase self if we are asked to do something, otherwise we would turn into inactive blobs. It’s about relying on God instead of self – being dependant on how HE sees us instead of how we see our selves, whether good or bad.

It’s about bringing our self as a conscious offering – laying down all of our strengths and weaknesses, bringing the magnificence of Jesus, accepting that He has invested His light and His gifts into us, and allowing Him to use them: not for our glory but for His… but still to use them nonetheless!
Humility is declaring God’s truth regardless of whether we agree with it, that in ourselves we are nothing & have nothing of value, but in Him we are Christ-carriers, called to stand up and be seen, so we can guide others to Him.

There are many better, deeper studies into the concept of humility, but the reason why I was drawn to it today, besides my own personal struggles over pursuing the publication of an autobiography, was because I believe we are in a season of many people waking up to their calling, to recognising that we are ALL called; all given gifts and ‘talents’; all bringers of light that needs to be allowed to shine forth.

And we really need to stop being so jolly British about it, and die to the self-centred notion of self-deprecation, or hiding away for the selfish fear of rejection. We all need to ask God what He has for us to do, and then do it. Which means I need to get my book out – because although there is an element of pushing myself forward, it is a necessary aspect of promoting God – it’s about dying to my self-protecting preferences in order to reflect Jesus’ light, and running the risk involved with investing my talent in the hope that it advances His Kingdom.

It’s about God calling all of us to say “Look at me” – from a place of humility.